Review - Four "Threes..."

My apologies for the lack of postings. I still haven't come down from the Royal's wedding...

The Three Musketeers (2011)

Yeah, I know what you're thinkin'. What? Another one?? With no less than six different versions or variations on the classic Dumas story, this version is quirky, silly, and completely preposterous - and I still managed to like it!

Screenwriters Alex Litvak & Andrew Davies borrowed heavily from the new Sherlock Holmes movie, Mission Impossible, Star Trek:The Wrath of Khan, and even Pirates of the Caribbean (even shamelessly "borrowing" dialog from these movies!) The basic Dumas tale is told with young'n D'Artagnan (Logan Lerman) who wants to be a Musketeer (like his dad) and travels to Paris, getting into duels with local legends Athos (Matthew Macfadyen,) Porthos (Ray Stevenson) and Aramis (Luke Evans.) They all become buddies after finding unified hatred for evil Cardinal Richelieu (Christoph Waltz) and his henchman Rochefort (Mads Mikklesen.) Ah, but don't forget the dazzlingly gorgeous and dangerous Milady (Milla Jovovich), a double-agent spy who steals for England's Duke of Buckingham (Orlando Bloom) and who was once a Musketeer besty who helped steal DaVinci's "war-ship" plans (imagine a massive flying blimp/pirate ship which, apparently, can be fully assembled in just 3 days!) She & Richelieu plan on framing the Queen and triggering a war with England with a stolen diamond necklace and it's up to the FOUR Musketeers to get it back.

Director W.S. Anderson must've watched Guy Richie's "Sherlock Holmes" as a guideline 'cause it has the exact same driving music, stylized slo-mo fights, majestic scenery, incredible costume & scenic design, and swinging camera angles. Not that that's a BAD thing, but the lame dialog and dumb storyline almost drove a stake through its heart. Wildly stupid and insanely ridiculous plotlines that really tested one's suspension of disbelief. Don't say I didn't warn you! Still, it does have moments of humor and laughably bad acting that is swallowed up by damn fine swordplay & fight choreography and breath-taking cinematography. All in all, not a bad popcorn movie that sets it up for a sequel, so much so, that it shamelessly ends like the recent string of "Part 1/Part 2" movie sagas.

The Three Musketeers (1993)

Disney to the rescue! Dream casting here with Kiefer Sutherland, Oliver Platt, and a pre-crazy warlock Charlie Sheen as the 3 Musketeers, Chris O'Donnell as D'Artagnan with Tim Curry and Rebecca DeMornay as The Cardinal & M'Lady DeWinter. A clever script with bouncy direction by Stephen Herek, this was slam-dunk movie for tweens & kids alike who wanted to enjoy the Dumas tale like it was a video-game (and given a Disney-flavor to boot.) Decent sword play & stunts, Oliver Platt's over-the-top "Porthos the Pirate", Tim Curry at his best wicked/cool, and some genuinely moving moments with DeMornay & Sutherland make this a great Saturday afternoon fluff movie to watch with the kiddies.

The Three Musketeers (1973)

Directed by Richard Lester ("A Hard Day's Night") and originally meant to star the Beatles - I kid you not - this had stunt casting of Oliver Reed, Frank Finlay, Richard Chamberlain as the 3, and a young Richard York as D'Artagnan with Rachel Welch (M'Lady), Charlton Heston (Richelieu), and Christopher Lee (Rochefort). Wow! This was actually the prequel to Lester's, "The Four Musketeers" which followed a year later. Much like the 2011 version, this has "sequel" written right all over it. A fun romp, but a somewhat dull version with too many downtimes of stale dialog and obvious set-ups to the usual Dumas classic. The film also suffers greatly from it's poor quality of the 1973 prints which are terribly faded and washed out.

The Three Musketeers (1948)

Directed by George Sidney and starring Hollywood icon Gene Kelly as D'Artagnan, this version boasts legends Vincent Price (Richelieu), Angela Lansbury (the Queen) and beautiful Lana Turner as M'lady DeWinter. Even though this was an obvious vehicle for Kelly, this was NOT a musical, which is too bad, because it might have saved this lavish and costume-rich movie from itself. Really long and drawn out, this movie had the audacity to stick to the book and tell a story without in-your-face swords and stunts! How dare they! Scenes play out forever and dialog drags as the performers put on their Hollywood best and "act" to the camera. Nice...nice...not thrilling, but nice.